she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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