he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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