tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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