I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
