wrigley field is MILF paradise
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The beer is more important than you right now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
