This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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