Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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