I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
