I accidentally burped into my bong.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
