dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
