hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize
