Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize