I hate all girls vehemently.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
