I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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