Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My dick has a subreddit
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He shit in the fireplace
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
