did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
