At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
not ubering you a puppy
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
