Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
