I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
