there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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