Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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