before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
