So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
