Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
