Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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