I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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