I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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