he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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