If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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