You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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