Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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