1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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