Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
