this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
