so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
