From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
