if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
