Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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