If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
