New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
false alarm, still single
Randomize
