it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
