Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
