Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
