Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
