Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
