Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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