You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
