found the other keg... it's in the tree
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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