remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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