i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
