When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
