I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
