You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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