if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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