he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
