I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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