Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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