she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i out mim tonsoeep
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
