i need an iv and a liver transplant
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
