for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
