Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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