Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
