my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
