fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
