Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
be right there i have to get my cape
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
