Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize