If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
