I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
