she looked like the bat from fern gully.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
