We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
