Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
