You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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